Blazing Dragons Virtual Season: Piston and Solder

King Allfire was sitting alone at his Square Table, staring at one of the empty seats, when Princess Flame found him.

'Daddy?' she said.  'What are you doing in here by yourself?'

'Good question,' said Allfire.  'My knights should be here with me.  We hardly ever seem to use the Square Table anymore, and we certainly don't use it for important knightly business.  We haven't had a proper meeting since Sir Galahot and Sir Hotbreath left.  The Table does look empty without them, you know.  Do you think they'll ever come back, Puff?'

'Well,' said Flame, 'they have been gone rather a long time now, but I believe they'll come back to us.  In the meantime, Daddy, do you remember I told you to have a look at some of Flicker's inventions?  If you want to keep using the Square Table without it seeming empty, you could always -'

She was cut off by a blast of music and a rush of fire as Cinder and Clinker appeared in the doorway, dressed as heralds and blowing their horns.

'Presenting His Majesty King Spark of Singetagel Castle, Her Royal Highness the Princess Solder, and the brave and handsome Sir Piston,' said Clinker.

A burly dragon wearing a crown barged past Cinder and Clinker, and helped himself to a seat at the Square Table.  Behind him came a beefy knight, a young dragon lady and someone whose face was obscured by a heap of bags and cases.

'Hello, Allfire,' said King Spark.  'How's things?'

'Good heavens, King Spark!' said Allfire.  'I haven't seen you since you laid siege to Castle Camelhot just after I became king.'

'Gosh, has it been that long?' said King Spark.  'Look, about the siege - sorry and all that.  Oh well, water under the bridge.  We're moving in.  Don't mind, do you?'

'Moving in?' said Flame.  'Whatever for?'

'Oh!'  Spark looked up in surprise.  'Is this your daughter, Allfire?  I've got one too.'  He looked at Flame.  'You can look after Solder, my dear.'

'Why are you moving in?' Flame asked again.

'Can't stay at Singetagel anymore,' said Spark.  'Nasty business, the whole thing.  There's a hideous beast terrorising my villagers.  Eating most of them while it's at it.  Can't stay there, dear me, no.'

'Hideous beast?' said Allfire.  'Well, surely someone can do something about that, Spark.  What about this fellow here?'  He looked at King Spark's knight.  'He looks a capable enough chap.'

'Oh yes, he's a marvel,' said Spark.  Then a look of puzzlement came over his face, and he turned to the knight.  'Now, Sir Piston, why haven't you slain the beast yet?'

'Your Majesty.'  Sir Piston bowed very low.  'Of course, I have every intention of slaying the vile creature.  I was merely waiting until you and the Princess had moved out of the castle.  I didn't want to risk enraging the beast with your royal persons in the vicinity.  We can't take any chances, now, can we?'

'Indeed, Sir Piston,' said Spark.  He turned back to Allfire.  'There you are, you see.  Always thinking of his king and his princess.'

'It's a very nasty beast,' said Princess Solder.  'Are you quite sure you can manage it on your own, Sir Piston?'

'Fear not, Your Highness!'  Piston drew his sword and held it high above his head.  'I, Sir Piston, am a match for any -'

'Oh, I say, here's fun!' said King Spark.  'Allfire, summon your knights, would you?  There's a good chap.'

'Oh, well, all right then.'  Allfire cleared his throat.  'Knights of the Square Table, arise!'

Cinder and Clinker blew on their horns to announce the arrival of the knights.  Within moments Sir Blaze, Sir Burnevere and Sir Loungelot had all appeared in the room, with Flicker trailing behind them.

'Ah, squire,' said Allfire.  'We've got guests for a few days.  Show this chap where to put their stuff, will you?'  He gestured towards the young dragon who was now teetering under the weight of all the luggage.  'Might as well give them Hotbreath and Galahot's quarters.  It isn't going to be a long stay… I hope.'

Flicker bowed, and went to his task.

'Now then, Spark.'  Allfire turned to his guest.  'What do you want with my knights?'

'Well,' said Spark, grinning with excitement, 'I've had a bit of an idea.  Knights, there is a terrible beast residing near my home, Singetagel Castle.  I do hereby decree that whosoever slays the beast will marry my daughter, Princess Solder!'

Solder gasped.  'Father!'

'Now then, my dear,' said Spark, 'this is the ideal solution.  It's time you were married, and we definitely need to get rid of that monster.'

'But…'  Solder stared at him, dumbstruck.  'I… I…'

'Fear not, fair princess!' said Sir Piston.  'I shall be the one to slay the beast.'

Solder frowned.  'Oh, brilliant.'

'Shall you indeed, sir knight?' said Loungelot.  'Then little you know the Knights of the Square Table!  If you yourself have been residing at Singetagel Castle, then why is the beast not already dead?'

Sir Piston opened his mouth to reply.

'We've been through all this,' said Solder.  She looked at Sir Loungelot.  'So you're going to slay the beast, are you?  Who are you again?'

'Sir Loungelot, Your Highness.  Camelhot's greatest and noblest knight.'

'Right,' said Solder.  Then she turned on her heel and stalked from the room.

'Your Highness!'  Piston followed her.  'Fear not, that cad will not win your hand!'

'Well.'  King Allfire got to his feet.  'I'd better show you where you'll be staying, Spark.  Good luck with the beast and everything, you lot.'

The two kings left the room.  As Cinder and Clinker seemed to have vanished, Flame found herself alone with the three knights.  She turned to Sir Loungelot.

'You want to marry that Princess Solder, do you, Sir Loungelot?' she asked.

'Not particularly,' said Loungelot.  'But I've heard that Singetagel Castle is a very nice place to live.'

'Oh,' said Flame, 'I see.  Well, what about you two?'  She turned to Sir Blaze and Sir Burnevere.

'Well,' said Blaze, 'I'm not really bothered about marrying the Princess.'

'Me neither,' said Burnevere.  'I'm sure she's a very nice girl, but I wouldn't want to marry her if she's the heiress to Singetagel.  I had enough trouble getting out of being the King of Scotland.'

'So.'  Flame turned back to Loungelot.  'Looks like it's you or that Sir Piston fellow.'

'It's me,' said Loungelot, puffing out his chest.  'That Piston fellow is an imbecile.'

'Well,' said Flame, 'so are you!  We'll just see about this.'

She turned and went from the room.  For a moment, Loungelot was taken aback.  Then his face fell into a scowl, and he said, 'What did she mean by that?'

'Now then, Loungelot,' said Burnevere, shaking his head.  'You know very well.'

As the knights dispersed, a very strange-looking dragon crept out of the castle and made its way over the hills.

*

At Castle Threadbare, Count Geoffrey was sitting on in his throne, looking on with an expression of fury as his three Evil Knights directed serfs to crawl into the castle's enormous cracks.

'I've had enough of this!' cried Count Geoffrey.  'Surely my bad luck can't last much longer.  I want Camelhot!  Where is that dratted Evil Spy?  Oh.'  The Evil Spy appeared next to him.  'There you are.  Well, what do you have to tell me?'

The Evil Spy whispered something into Geoffrey's ear.

'Singetagel, eh?' said Geoffrey, stroking his beard as he thought over the information.  'Well, I don't know much about it, but it's got to be better than this.  Evil Knights Numbers One, Two and Three!'

In a moment, the Evil Knights were lined up in front of Geoffrey's throne.

'I have a plan!'

*

As Flicker was leaving Sir Galahot's quarters, he was accosted by Sir Loungelot.

'Come with me, Flicker,' said Loungelot, and he led his squire into his own quarters.  'Shut the door.'

Flicker did so.

'Whoever slays that monster of King Spark's is going to marry the daughter,' said Loungelot.  'So you and I are off to Singetagel Castle.  Immediately.  Understand?'

'Yes, Milord,' said Flicker.  'Do you want to marry the Princess, then?'

'Well, the long and the short of it is, yes.'

'And go to live in Singetagel Castle?'

'Naturally.'

'And take me with you, I suppose.'

Loungelot frowned.  'You'd be a bit stuck if I didn't, Flicker.'

'Why do you want us to leave Camelhot?'

'That's quite enough questions.'  Loungelot grabbed Flicker's shoulders and propelled him towards the door.  'Really, squire, your impertinence is getting out of hand - I should have you flogged.  Now go and get ready.  We must reach Singetagel Castle before that Piston fool.'

*

When Flicker arrived in his room, Flame was there waiting for him.

'So,' she said.  'You're going to slay this monster so that Loungelot can marry the Princess, are you?'

'I don't know,' said Flicker.  'This monster has to be dealt with, but it all seems a bit unfair on Princess Solder.  She might not want to marry Sir Loungelot.'

'I'm quite sure she doesn't,' said Flame.  'And I don't think she wants to marry that Sir Piston either.  He kept saying he was going to slay the monster and marry her, and she didn't seem too keen on the idea.'

'Poor girl.  I wonder if we can do anything to help her.'

'You mean dress up as a mysterious knight, kill the beast and then vanish?  Like when we put an end to that silly jousting tournament for my hand?'

'Flame, I can't impersonate a knight again!  The Code of Chivalry -'

'All right, all right!  Well, what can we do, then?'

'I don't know,' said Flicker.  'Maybe we should just talk to her.  Well, by we, I mean you really.  She's sharing your room.'

'Is she indeed?  Who says?'

'Your father.  King Spark is in Sir Hotbreath's room, and that Sir Piston's in Sir Galahot's with his squire.  We haven't got anywhere else spare, so your father said wouldn't it be fun if the girls had a nice sleepover.'

'Oh,' said Flame.  'Well, I suppose it might be.  I don't really know her, but from what I've seen she seems sensible enough.  She doesn't want to be married off to some random knight, anyway.  I'll go and have a chat with her and see what I can find out.  You never know - there might even be
somebody she does want to marry.'

Just as she finished speaking, there came a timid knock at the door.  Flicker went to answer it.  On the threshold was a young dragon with an anxious look on his face.

'Hello, Wick,' said Flicker, smiling pleasantly.

'Hello, Flicker,' said Wick.  He sounded rather sheepish.  'I don't suppose I could borrow something to buff up Sir Piston's armour, could I?  I thought I'd packed all the essentials but, well, you always forget something, don't you?'

'Of course,' said Flicker.  'Come in.  Oh… this is Princess Flame.  She's here, um…'

'Your Highness.'  Wick fell to his knees.

'Hello, Wick,' said Flame.  'And goodbye.  I'll just go and do that, Flicker, and then I'll let you know what happens.  See you later.'

'Bye,' said Flicker.  Then he turned his attention to Wick.  'Right, something to polish Sir Piston's armour.  Here, try this.'  He picked up a cylindrical object and handed it to his visitor.  'It's something I invented, to save me the trouble of dipping the cloth in the polish all the time.  I call it my can spray.  You see, you just shake it up, push down on the little knob here, and hey presto.'

Flicker went to a shield belonging to Sir Loungelot and demonstrated the can spray.

'Gosh,' said Wick.  'That's very clever.'

'Just be careful to point it away from you,' said Flicker.  'It stings like anything if you get it in your eyes.  I've got plenty.  You can take some back to Singetagel Castle if you like, once that monster's gone.'

'Oh,' said Wick, looking at the floor.  'Yeah.'

'Are you all right, Wick?'

'Oh yes, I'm all right.  Only… do you think your master will slay the beast?'

'No.'  Flicker began to laugh, then stopped himself.  'I mean… he might.'

'I don't think Princess Solder wants to marry him.  Or anyone, really.  Well… maybe someone, but… never mind.'

Flicker stopped his polishing for a moment, and looked at Wick.  Then he said, 'Well, maybe she won't have to marry anyone she doesn't want to.  Princess Flame is going to have a talk with her and see if there's anything we can do.'

'Like what?' asked Wick.

'Oh, I don't know.  But we generally think of something.'

*

When Princess Flame entered her room, she found Solder tying all the bed sheets together.

'Are you going to climb out of the window?' asked Flame.  'Remember you can fly.'

'I'm not going to climb out of the window,' said Solder.  'I'm going to hang myself.'

'What?'  Flame rushed across the room and snatched the sheets out of Solder's hands.  'Now really, Solder, I think that's much too drastic.  Why don't you sit down and we'll talk about it?'

Flame sat down on the bed, and patted the space next to her.  Solder sat down also.

'I know what's going to happen,' she said.  'Sir Piston will present my father with the head of the monster and claim me as his prize.'

'Not necessarily,' said Flame.  'It might be Sir Loungelot.'

'Oh?' said Solder.  'Is he a very good knight, then?'

'He certainly gets a lot of recognition,' said Flame.  'Look, your father loves you, doesn't he?  Maybe if you just reason with him -'

'Oh no, that won't work.  My father wants me to marry Sir Piston, or that Sir Loungelot would do.  Anyone would be better than Lord Thomas de Nancy.'

'Lord Thomas de what?'

'Nancy,' said Solder.  'He's been after me to marry him for ages, but he's our enemy, and he's human as well.  I can't see us producing many heirs, can you?  But I'd just as soon marry him as Sir Piston, or Sir Loungelot, or anyone except…'

'Who?'

'Oh, well… perhaps I shouldn't say.'

'You can if you want to,' said Flame.  'We're friends, aren't we?'

'Not really.  I'd never even spoken to you until just now.'

'Oh, yes, I suppose that's true.  Well, do me a favour, Solder.  Don't kill yourself.  I have a feeling things just might work out all right, and if they don't, well…'

'I can kill myself then?'

'Well,' said Flame, 'you can cross that bridge when you come to it, can't you?  Now, I've got to go and talk to someone.  Don't do anything silly while I'm gone, will you?'

'Not just while you're gone, no,' said Solder.  'But one day I might.  You have no idea what love can drive you to.'

'True love means never giving up,' said Flame.  'It'll be all right, Solder.  You'll see.'

*

Sir Loungelot was waiting for Flicker outside the castle, pacing up and down, and muttering, 'Confound it, where is that Flicker?'

'Loungelot!'

Loungelot stopped short, turned and saw Queen Griddle on the drawbridge.  She was standing with her hands on her hips and looking most
displeased.

'Your Majesty.'  Loungelot bowed.

'What's this I hear about you marrying some princess?'

'Majesty, the marriage is not my concern.  I wish only to rid Singetagel Castle of its terrible monster, as is my knightly duty.'

'Why can't Singetagel's own knights kill the dratted thing?  You can't really mean to leave us, Loungelot!'

'Your Majesty.'  Loungelot bowed even lower.  'What could be better than an alliance between Camelhot and -'

'Well,' said Griddle, 'if you really must marry this princess, maybe you could bring her to live here at Camelhot.'

Loungelot jerked upright.  'Er… well… that is, I…'

'There, that's settled.  It's not ideal, but it'll have to do.  See you later, Loungey!'

Griddle turned and trotted back into the castle, not noticing that Flicker was just leaving it, laden down with a case of armour and weaponry.  He leapt out of her way as she approached, almost falling into the moat.

'How far is it to Singetagel Castle, Milord?' asked Flicker.

'Oh, not far,' said Sir Loungelot.  'Only about twenty or thirty miles, I think.'

Flicker looked at the case in his arms.  'Oh, good.'

'But then again I could be wrong.  Well, come on, don't dawdle.'

Sir Loungelot set off, and Flicker staggered after him.

'Queen Griddle would be sorry if you left,' said Flicker.

'Yes, well,' said Loungelot, 'I'm sure she'll get over it.'

'Flicker!'

Loungelot looked up.  Flicker put down his case and turned round to see Princess Flame running towards them.

'Flicker,' she said again, when she reached him.  'I talked to Princess Solder.  She is in love with someone, but she won't say who it is.'

'What's this?' said Loungelot.  'You wouldn't be attempting to disrupt my plans, would you, Flicker?'

'Sir Loungelot,' said Flame, 'you needn't be so vague about it.  I know very well what your plans are, and you can be sure that I am making plans of my own.  While you are away, I shall be thinking of how I can ensure Flicker stays here at Camelhot, if it transpires that you are to go and live at Singetagel Castle.  There are ways, I am sure.'

'Humph!'  Sir Loungelot puffed himself up.  'Well, we shall see.  Whatever happens, I don't see what Flicker can do with that snippet of information you just gave him.  It wasn't very helpful, was it?'

'I don't think you should speak to me like that, Sir Loungelot,' said Flame.  Then, turning back to Flicker, she went on, 'She doesn't want to marry Sir Piston, or Sir Loungelot.  She also mentioned a human enemy called Lord Thomas de Nancy, but I shouldn't think he knows about -'

'Lord Thomas de what?' said Loungelot.

'Nancy, Milord,' said Flicker.  'It's in France.'

'Flicker, listen to me,' said Flame.  'I don't know who else is at Singetagel Castle, but there's someone else here that she didn't rule out.  I might be wrong, but… well, it's something to bear in mind, isn't it?'

'Yes,' said Flicker, 'I suppose it is.  Thanks, Flame.'

'Oh, do come along, squire.'  Loungelot picked up the case, thrust it into Flicker's arms and strode onwards.

*

Count Geoffrey and his Evil Knights stood surveying Singetagel Castle.  It was a huge, grey stone building overlooking the sea.

'Well,' said Count Geoffrey, 'it's not bad, is it?  I'm not sure about it being right on the edge of a cliff, though.  Surely it's only a matter of time before it starts falling into the sea.'

'Maybe Merle can keep it up with her magic,' said Evil Knight Number One.

Just as he finished speaking, a puff of smoke erupted in front of the evil quartet, and Merle the Wizard appeared.

'It wouldn't be the first thing I'd kept up with my magic, Geoff,' she said, winking at the evil count.

'Well, it's about time,' said Geoffrey.  'Did you find the monster yet, Merle?'

'Sure.  It's fast asleep, right at the bottom of that cliff.  Come on, I'll show you.'

Merle grabbed Geoffrey's left arm, and the three Evil Knights all grabbed onto his right.  A moment later they all vanished, and reappeared on the top of one of Singetagel Castle's towers.

'Take a look,' said Merle, pointing downwards.

They all looked.  Even from such a great height, the monster was clear to see.  It was asleep, a head of human hair resting on its cat-like front legs.

'Hmm.  Kinda looks like a sphinx,' said Count Geoffrey.

'Sphinx my foot,' said Merle.  'That thing'll eat you first and ask riddles later.'

'All right,' said Geoffrey, 'so how do we kill it?'

'Here.'  Merle snapped her fingers and conjured a small bottle.  'This should keep it distracted while you sneak up and slice its head off.  Let me know when you're done - I want to use some of its parts for my wart treatment.'

Merle snapped her fingers again, and was gone.

*

'Isn't Singetagel beautiful?' said Flicker, as he strode up towards the fortress.

'A little too hilly for my liking.'  Sir Loungelot, panting, was several paces behind his squire.  'Stop a minute, Flicker.  I think it's time for a rest, don't you?'

Sir Loungelot sat down on a hillock.  Flicker put down the case of weapons and perched himself on top of it.

'So,' said Loungelot.  'Think you might like to live here after all?'

'No,' said Flicker.  'It's a lovely place to visit, but Camelhot is my home.'

'All right, Flicker, we both know perfectly well why you want to stay there.'

'Well, why don't you?'

'Never mind that now.  Come along, break's over.  Why don't you fly around a bit and see if you can find this so-called monster?'

'Yes, Milord.'

Flicker took off, and flew a brisk circuit of the castle.  He stopped and hovered when he reached the edge of the cliff, and looked down at the monster's sleeping form.

'Blazing dragons!'  He turned and flew back to Loungelot's side.  'It's a manticore!'

'It's a what?'

'A manticore, Milord.  A deadly monster that paralyses its victims with a powerful venom, and then devours them whole, leaving behind not a scrap of clothing, nor anything the victim is carrying!'

'You mean it eats their smelly old socks and everything?' said Loungelot.  'How revolting.  Well, take care of it, Flicker.  I'll be inside the castle, checking out my new digs.  Bring me the monster's head when you're done.'

'Um… Milord,' said Flicker.  'Are you sure this is what you want to do?  If Princess Flame meant what she said, about making sure I could stay on at Camelhot…'

'Well, what if she did?' said Loungelot.  'You're not indispensable, Flicker.'

'If you say so, Milord.'

'I do say so.  Now get on with it!'

'Yes, Milord.'

Flicker picked up the case of armour and made his way towards the cliff path.  Sir Loungelot watched him for a moment, his expression pensive.  Then he turned and made his way towards the castle.

*

In Princess Flame's bedroom, Solder had tied the length of bed sheets to the ceiling and was tugging on them to test their strength.

'Solder, really!' said Flame.  'Even if it doesn't turn out the way you want it to, surely running away would be a better solution.'

'Where to?' said Solder.  'There is no happiness for me without him.'

'Then take him with you!'

Solder stopped what she was doing, and looked thoughtful.  'Hmm…'

There came a knock at the door.  Flame went to answer it, keeping her eyes on Solder and the sheets for as long as she could.  When she opened the door, Cinder and Clinker were standing there wearing a dirty coat, and holding a booklet and quill.

'We're taking bets on who's going to slay the monster,' Cinder said brightly.  'We'll give you four to one on Sir Piston, two to one on Squire Flicker and seventeen to one on Sir Loungelot.'

'Three to two on Sir Loungelot saying he did it,' Clinker added.

'You mean you've noticed?' asked Flame.

'Oh yes,' said Cinder.  'Between us, we see more or less everything that goes on around here.'

'Six to one on Count Geoffrey,' Clinker added.

'Count Geoffrey?' said Flame.  'Oh, for goodness' sake!'

'Who's Count Geoffrey?' asked Solder, appearing at Flame's side.  'What are you two doing, anyway?  Taking bets on my future?  Don't give more than two to one that I'll die of a broken heart.'

'May I see that, Cinder and Clinker?' asked Flame, holding out her hand.

Cinder and Clinker looked at each other, shrugged and handed over their booklet.

'Well,' said Flame, 'this is most illuminating.  Sir Blaze and Sir Burnevere have both bet on Flicker!  Stepmother Griddle bet on Loungelot, of course, and Father…  Goodness!  He bet on Sir Piston!'

'Oh no!' cried Solder.  'I simply couldn't bear it!'

'He may not be right, Solder,' said Flame.  'Well, well, well.  I wonder why he didn't bet on Sir Loungelot.'

'He thought about it,' said Cinder.

'He was in an agony of indecision,' said Clinker.

'So,' said Cinder, 'what'll it be, Your Highness?  Can I put you down for a purse of silver on Squire Flicker?'

'No,' said Flame.  'This time, I don't think it's going to be Flicker.  I'll tell you what.  I'll bet one afternoon of your chores against you putting in a good word for Flicker with my father.  How about that?'

'Unconventional,' said Cinder, as Clinker scribbled in the notebook, 'but you are the Princess.  So, Your Highness, who's it to be?'

Flame stooped down and whispered something into their ears.

*

Sir Loungelot was finding Singetagel Castle to be very much to his liking.  Down in the kitchen, he nodded in approval at the vast array of food that had been left half-prepared all over the table.  Clearly this place had been abandoned in a hurry.  Once he'd had his fill of the sight, Loungelot turned and made his way up the stairs.  He emerged into a corridor, where he found himself face to face with Sir Piston.

'Piston?' he said.  'What are you doing here?'

'I had to get something,' said Piston.  'My squire forgot it.'

'Then why not send your squire?'

'Because he's such a fool he doesn't know where it is.  I live here, Loungelot.   What's your excuse?'

Loungelot frowned, but didn't falter.  'I was getting my bearings.  I will slay that manticore, Piston.'

'That what?'

'So, Singetagel's bravest knight doesn't even know what he's up against!  Well, as it happens, I know exactly how to kill it.  I was just looking for something that I need.'

'Oh?' said Piston.  'And what might that be?'

'Never you mind.  I'm not having you stealing my methods.'

Sir Loungelot puffed out his chest, held his head up high and swept off down the corridor.

*

When Flicker reached the bottom of the cliff, he found Wick there, staring at the sleeping manticore.

'Oh,' said Flicker, putting down the weapons case.  'Hello, Wick.'

Wick turned round.  'Hi, Flicker.  Sir Loungelot not with you?'

'Er… no.'

'Right, I see.  Well.'  He turned back to the monster.  'I was just wondering what to do about this manticore.  It doesn't seem right to kill it while it's asleep.'

 'No,' said Flicker, 'it's not.  King Allfire's Code of Chivalry clearly states: “A dragon knight must never attack an enemy whose defences are down.”'

'Well,' said Wick, 'there you are, then.'

'Wick,' said Flicker.  'I must ask you something.  Do you want to marry Princess Solder?'

Wick looked at him, startled.  'Oh, well, I… I shouldn't say…'

'Come on, Wick, you can tell me.'

'Oh, all right,' said Wick.  'Yes, I do.'

'And does she want to marry you?'

'I don't know.  I think so, but… well, if she doesn't, I'll kill myself,' and he looked up at the cliff top in a suicidal way.

'Oh,' said Flicker, not at all sure what he ought to say.  'Well then, Princess Solder can't lose either way, can she?  You must be the one to slay the monster, Wick.'

'I don't know, Flicker,' said Wick.  'If I kill it, Solder will have to marry Sir Piston, and she can't stand him.'

'She won't have to marry him.  I'll back you up.'

'King Spark would never believe a squire he doesn't even know, or even one he does.  Not over Sir Piston.'

Flicker frowned.  'The glass is always half-empty with you, isn't it, Wick?  Look, don't worry about Sir Piston.  I'll think of something.  You just find a way to kill the - oh, for goodness' sake!  That's all we need.'

Coming down the cliff path were Count Geoffrey and his Evil Knights.

'Who's that?' asked Wick.

'Count Geoffrey and his Evil Knights,' said Flicker.  'I'd better get rid of them.'

As he spoke, the sleeping manticore began to shift and snuffle.  Flicker made his way back up the cliff path, and met Count Geoffrey halfway.

'What on earth are you doing here?' Flicker asked.  'You don't want to marry Princess Solder, do you?'

'Not really,' said Geoffrey, 'but she does live in a very nice castle.  Get out of my way, dragon.'

Count Geoffrey drew his sword.  Flicker, having no weapon on him, shot a blast of fiery breath at Geoffrey and his Evil Knights.  They stood, stunned and scorched, but Geoffrey took only a moment to recover.

'All right,' he said, raising his sword, as an enormous shadow began to fall over the small gathering.  'You asked for - eek!'

'Flicker!' shouted Wick.  'Look out!'

Flicker turned, and ducked out of the way just as a huge mouth filled with razor-sharp teeth snapped shut where he had been standing.  Evil Knights Numbers One, Two and Three screamed, turned and ran up the cliff path.

'Come back, you fools!' yelled Count Geoffrey.  Then he too had to dive aside as the manticore went for him.  He landed on top of Flicker.

'Good going,' said Geoffrey.  'Now you've gone and woken it up.'

'Were you just going to kill it while it slept?' asked Flicker.  'For shame, Count Geoffrey.  Look out!'

They flew apart as, once again, the manticore's fearsome jaws snapped over them.

'Here!'  Wick was flying close to the cliff top, waving his arms.  'Take me, oh hideous beast!  I have nothing to live for without her!'

But the manticore was not interested.  It decided to go after Count Geoffrey.  Geoffrey screamed, ran and managed to hide in a convenient cave cut into the cliff face, but the monster was not to be deterred.  A long, thin tongue snaked out of its mouth and wormed its way into the cave.

'All right, Merle.'  Geoffrey produced Merle's bottle from somewhere inside his armour.  'This had better work!'

He opened the bottle and threw it into the manticore's mouth.  The monster withdrew, choking and spluttering, and out of its mouth flew hundreds of tiny insects.

'Fleas?' said Count Geoffrey, peering out from his hiding place.  'What's that supposed to do?  MERLE!'

There was a puff of smoke, and Merle appeared beside Geoffrey.

'Hey, Geoff,' she said.  'Did the fleas work?'

'See for yourself.'

They stepped outside the cave, and saw that the manticore was scratching furiously with its back legs.

'They were only supposed to be a diversion,' said Merle.  'Now get over there and kill the stupid thing!'

'Um…'

Count Geoffrey began edging towards the beast, his sword raised.  As he approached, the manticore caught sight of him.  It snarled, and moved into a crouching position.

'You know,' said Count Geoffrey, 'Singetagel really isn't as nice as Camelhot.  I'm not so sure I really want to… to…  MERLE!'

Merle appeared beside him.  Geoffrey leapt onto her back, and they both vanished.

By now, Flicker was hovering near the top of the cliff with Wick.

'See what that fool has done!' cried Flicker.  'Now it's hungry and itchy!'

'A deadly combination,' said Wick.  'But I think I have an idea.  We just need to get it onto the cliff top, or even better, one of those towers.'

'Shouldn't be a problem,' said Flicker, his voice a little higher than normal, as the manticore dug its great lion claws into the cliff face and began to climb.

Wick's face broke into a triumphant smile.  'Brilliant!'

He flew higher, and the monster pursued him.  It climbed up the side of the castle, its claws cutting into the stone walls with ease.  Flicker landed on the cliff edge and watched as Wick led the monster higher and higher, until it was perched precariously on the turrets of a tall, narrow tower.

Flicker took flight once again, reached the tower and hovered behind Wick, who was digging around inside his clothing.  The creature was beginning to find its balance, and was watching Wick with hunger in its eyes.

'Wick, hurry!' cried Flicker.

'Aha!' said Wick, and he whipped out Flicker's can spray.  He shook it up, and then aimed it straight at the manticore's eyes.

The creature roared in pain, and swiped at the air.  Blinded, covered with fleas and writhing in fury, it fell from the turrets and landed with an almighty crash at the bottom of the cliff.

'Gosh,' said Flicker.  'You actually killed it.'

'That's what you told me to do, isn't it?' said Wick.

'Well, yes, I suppose I did.  It's just that, at Camelhot, we normally find out monsters aren't really so bad, and -'

'Oh look, right on time as usual.'

The triumph had gone from Wick's eyes, and his tone was despondent.  Flicker tore his eyes away from the slain monster and followed his companion's gaze.  Sir Piston was making his way down the cliff path.

'Fly down there and keep him talking,' said Flicker, 'just for a minute.'

Wick gave him a questioning look, but did as he was told.  Flicker watched until he had engaged Sir Piston in conversation, and then flew down to the manticore's body.

*

Sir Loungelot met Flicker as he was leaving Singetagel Castle.

'Not a bad place, this,' said Loungelot.  'I could enjoy living here.'

'Sorry, Milord,' said Flicker, wobbling under the weight of the weapons case.  'I couldn't kill the monster for you.  Someone else got there first.'

'Did they indeed?' said Loungelot.  'Well, perhaps we're not ready for such a drastic change just yet, Flicker.  I really haven't milked Camelhot for all it's worth.  Queen Griddle will be pleased to keep me, at any rate.'

'Milord,' said Flicker, 'if I may, we must make haste back to the castle.'

'Quite, Flicker,' said Loungelot.  'Mustn't keep the old battleaxe waiting, must we?'

*

As night fell over Camelhot, Flame found her father sitting on his throne, his chin in his hand and a glum look on his face.  Filled with concern, she went over to him.

'Are you all right, Daddy?' she asked.

'What's that, Puff?'  Allfire looked up.  'Oh yes, I'm fine.  Just wondering whether I backed the right dragon in Cinder and Clinker's little game.  Have they been on at you about that?'

'Yes,' said Flame.  'Father, why did you bet against Sir Loungelot?'

'Well,' said Allfire, 'I was going to bet on Loungelot, of course.  But then I found I was having my doubts.  It seems rather a long time since he actually did anything.'

'Yes,' said Flame, her face brightening, 'it does, doesn't it?'

'I just don't know what Camelhot is coming to, Puff.  Sir Hotbreath and Sir Galahot out questing for such a long time, and now Sir Loungelot…'

'Yes?'

'Well,' said Allfire, 'I mean to say, he…'

He stopped when he heard the drawbridge being lowered, and a fanfare announcing the arrival of the victor.

'Hark!'  Allfire jumped to his feet and cupped his hand to his ear.  'Someone has returned with the head of the beast.  We must go and congratulate
him.'

*

Sir Piston stood framed in the doorway, the manticore's head raised above him, a triumphant smile upon his face.

'See!' cried Piston.  'I, Sir Piston, bring you the head of the terrible beast!'

'Manticore,' Wick said quietly, behind him.

All of Camelhot and their guests had assembled to greet the victor.  Princess Solder burst into tears.  Flame put her arm around her and said, 'I'm sorry, Solder.  I don't know what to say.  I've never known Flicker to fail before!'

'I don't believe it!' said Allfire, clapping his hands together with joy.  'I won the bet!'

'Sir Piston!' said King Spark.  'I knew you could do it!  Now, as promised, I give you my daughter -'

'WAIT!'

Everyone looked up as Flicker streaked over the drawbridge, skidded to a halt in the centre of the crowd and stood there, panting.  He put down the case of weapons as Sir Loungelot entered the courtyard at a more leisurely pace.

'Flicker!' said Flame.  She nudged Solder.  'There you are, you see, I told you so.'

'It isn't true,' said Flicker.  'Sir Piston didn't kill the monster.'

Everyone in the room gave a collective gasp.

'What?' cried Sir Piston.  'This is an outrage!  Your Majesties, I demand that this boy be flogged for his insolence!'

'Quite right,' said King Spark.  'Guards, take him away!'

He looked at Cinder and Clinker, who stayed quite still.  Flame opened her mouth to speak, but King Allfire got there first.

'Perhaps you had better explain yourself, squire,' he said.  'If Sir Piston didn't slay the beast, then who did?'

'It was Wick, My Liege,' said Flicker.  'Sir Piston's squire.'

Most of the ensemble gasped again.  Solder looked at Flicker through her fingers, tears spilling down the backs of her hands.

'Oh boy!' said Cinder.  'We won't have to pay out after all!'

'Jackpot,' said Clinker, and they high-fived across their body.

'Preposterous!' cried Sir Piston.

'Have you any proof, squire?' asked King Allfire.

'Yes, My Liege.'  Flicker began digging around in the case, and pulled out a huge pink tongue, still gleaming with saliva.

'Ewwww!' cried everyone, reeling back in disgust.

'Yes, quite,' said Flicker, putting down the tongue and wiping his hand on his armour.  'But the point is this.  I must have seen who slew the beast, as I have the tongue!'

He looked around for everyone's reaction, and was disappointed.  Most of the dragons were scratching their heads, trying to reason this out.

'Oh, come on!' cried Flame.  'Anyone could take the head after the tongue has been removed, but not the other way around!'

'She's right!' said Solder.  She turned pleading eyes onto King Spark.  'Father…'

'Is this true, squire?' asked King Spark.

'Yes, My Liege,' said Wick.  'It is true.'

King Spark turned to his champion.  'Sir Piston?'

'Well,' said Sir Piston, 'I… er…'

'Never,' said King Spark, 'in all my days as king, have I heard of anything so odious and contemptible!  You are hereby stripped of all your titles, and never again may you return to Singetagel!  And as for you, my boy.'  He turned to Wick.  'You have won my daughter's hand.'

'Oh, Wick!' cried Solder, rushing over to Wick and flinging her arms around his neck.

'Solder!' cried Wick.  Then he turned to Flicker and said, 'Flicker, I don't know how I can ever thank -'

'Back to Singetagel Castle!' cried King Spark.  'Let this young man be knighted and married to my daughter as soon as possible!  Good show!  Bye then, Allfire.  Thanks for the food and everything.'

With that, King Spark grabbed his daughter and soon-to-be-son-in-law by the wrists, and dragged them over the open drawbridge.  Sir Piston was nowhere to be seen; he had presumably slunk off somewhere.

As Cinder and Clinker went to close up for the night, Flame caught them and said, 'Take that tongue away, will you?  And don't forget my prize for winning the bet!'

'No fear, Your Highness,' said Clinker.

'We'll be onto it as soon as we can!' said Cinder.

Satisfied with this, Flame made her way through the chattering crowd until she found Sir Loungelot, who was about the only one not joining in the rush of conversation.

'Did you see that, Sir Loungelot?' asked Flame.

'Of course I saw it,' said Loungelot.  'I'm not blind!'

He was scowling, but his expression changed to one of alarm when he heard Queen Griddle clearing her throat behind him.  He turned, prostrated himself before her and said, 'My Lady!'

'What on earth is the matter with you, Loungelot?' said Griddle.  'Why didn't you kill the beast?  The embarrassment of some silly swineherd getting the better of Camelhot's champion…'

'Milady,' said Loungelot, 'if I have caused you embarrassment, I am distraught.  But you see, I could not bring myself to perform the deed that would tie me to another lady than your great and beauteous self, Majesty.'

'Oooh, Loungelot!' Griddle gushed, holding out her hand, which Loungelot at once took and began to kiss noisily.

Flame raised her eyes to the heavens, then set off in search of Flicker, who had begun to lug Sir Loungelot's weapons inside.

'Flicker!' she called.

Flicker stopped, put down the case and turned to look at her.  'Hello, Flame.  It all seems to have turned out all right, doesn't it?'

'Yes,' said Flame.  'Flicker, I suppose Wick really did kill the beast?'

'As opposed to…?'

'Well, you.'

'Flame, really,' said Flicker.  'I wouldn't make up a thing like that.  The Code of Chivalry clearly states: “A dragon knight will not tell porky pies.”  It also states, just as clearly, “A dragon knight will not insult another's honour.”  No one but Wick was ever supposed to slay that manticore and marry Princess Solder.  I only thought of taking the tongue to prove it was him.'

'Oh, Flicker,' said Flame.  'Why will you never do anything like that for yourself?'

'I've told you before, Flame,' said Flicker.  'The Code of Chivalry clearly states: “A dragon knight will never blow his own horn,” and, “A good deed is its own reward,” and -'

'Flicker,' said Flame.  'Shut up a minute and listen to me.  You have got to start putting yourself forward, just a little bit.  I think I know why Loungelot was so keen to leave Camelhot and get in with King Spark.  He's worried because my father is starting to see through him.  Don't you see?  Maybe it's because there aren't as many knights taking the focus away from you.  Goodness knows, I hope Sir Galahot and Sir Hotbreath are all right, but while they're away can't you just take the opportunity to -'

She was cut off as the drawbridge clattered to the ground, and the sky outside was lit up by a fiery belch.  Everyone stopped talking and looked up, hardly daring to believe it.  Two dragons stood silhouetted in the doorway, one tall and wide, the other short and stocky.

'I don't believe it!' said King Allfire.  'Can it be…?'

The two dragons stepped into the light, and the larger one spoke.

'We're back, sir!'