After three end-of-year journals telling you all what a fabulous year I had, I guess I was due a run of bad luck. Now, please don't think that I'm complaining - I am all right really. But I am going to reiterate what went on in my life in 2009, both bad and not so bad.

To be honest, I can't remember January and February too well at all. It was at the end of March that I lost my really cool job writing for a fun school science project; we came up against the recession, it seems, and the project didn't even get completed. That was disappointing in itself, let me tell you. Since then, I have been unable to get another job, which is slightly embarrassing after all this time - even though I am constantly hearing about people in exactly the same position. I've gone over everything in my head countless times, and tried to alter things accordingly, but I shan't bore you with it.

I was rejected from three teacher training courses, which was extremely discouraging, especially when I see how utterly useless so many teachers are. What did they do to deceive people into training them and giving them jobs?! Well, anyway - I am now no longer sure that I actually want to teach, for a number of reasons, which again I shan't bore you with. But what do I do instead? Apparently nothing - although it isn't quite as bleak as all that. In November, I got one school to agree to take me on unpaid. I am now working there with a bunch of people who are getting paid, none of whom put in as many hours as I do (well, except the department head), and many of whom frequently tell me how wonderful I am and they'll be sorry when (if?) I can get myself a proper job. All of this - the way I've fitted in, the praise, the fact that I am actually doing something other than going mad - makes me happy, and reassures me that I am not the most useless human being on the planet.

This journal did start off fairly linear, but now we must go back in time to June, when my cat died. I've done a journal on that already - I shan't go over it again. His death was not untimely, but it was upsetting, and made last year just that little bit worse.

That's it, really - the employment situation, the triple failure and my cat dying. It could be a lot worse. I did one good thing, and that was to finish a novel. I had actually finished two novels before, so maybe it's getting boring, me saying I've done that - but I only actually liked one of those two novels, and I feel that this one is even better. I don't wish to boast, and I don't believe I am; I do not think that it's perfect, but it is my personal favourite thing that I have written so far.

Unfortunately, since then, I haven't been able to write anything else very much at all. I recently promised a Christmas story that never materialised. I did write a little story about cats for a Halloween contest, which went down quite well. I also won overall first place for the literature portion of the famous From Scripts to Flicks Contest, which was quite an achievement, as there were so many entries - and it felt great, because I really did put a lot of thought and effort into it. I seem to remember that I was annoyed or upset about something when I got the news, and it cheered me up no end, but I can't remember now what it was so it can't have been very important. I don't know what's going on with the contest now, though - the deadline for film entries was yesterday and there is still only one entry. Hmm...

For my mum's birthday in December, she and I went into London to see Hairspray, which was brilliant. Hardly an achievement, but it seems to have stayed with me, and when I read or see something good like that it either inspires me to write or makes me annoyed with myself for not writing. I am, believe me, very annoyed with myself. I failed NaNoWriMo by writing a load of rubbish, but - as I told you guys at the time (if you're still paying attention!) - I still like the idea and think I can do it a whole lot better. Well, it is now a new year, and that is what I am going to do!

Well... I'm going to try, anyway.

Then, of course, there is *simplypoetry and *simplyprose. I'm not sure at this point whether *simplypoetry is ever going to continue - but if you are interested in saving it, of course, let me know. But *simplyprose still has its head very much above water. I will be stepping down as administrator next month, and =julietcaesar has agreed to take over, making her my favourite person in the whole wide world about now. She is awesome.

Well, I guess that's it. I did try not to sound too miserable, and I think I did all right. There are people who are awfully miserable about the new year, and say defiantly that it's just another day. Well, it is just another day really - but if I've been doing badly, a brand new year always seems like a good excuse to draw a line under everything and make a concerted effort to do better. So I'm feeling pretty positive right now! I'll... let you know if it lasts.

I haven't had anything particularly positive to say lately, which is why I haven't updated my journal a whole lot. My situation hasn't improved, and I've had hormones to contend with as well just recently. You know. I've been feeling pretty lousy.

But in spite of everything, I still love Christmas! We put our tree up yesterday, and stuck tinsel round the place... Some people have very neat symmetrical Christmases, but we can't be bothered with that in our house.

All right then, writers, there are a couple of things I'd like to draw your attention to. First of all, ^SparrowSong's Litmas 2009: The Attitude is Gratitude contest. But hurry - the deadline is December 21st. The brief is basically to 'write a letter showing your gratitude to someone who has made your life better', which is just so lovely and Christmassy! Then there's =Scarlettletters' Christmas/Winter Holidays Literature Contest. Two themes to choose from (or you could pick both!), and you can write in any form you wish.

I would also like to tell you that *simplyprose has yet to receive any miscellaneous prompt submissions, and it's our only festive prompt! So get over there, check it out and send us some festive prose!

Try this, writers - it is tremendous fun.

1. What led you to write?
Simply loving stories and poems, and even books as objects. My mother read to me from the cradle – I cannot remember a time when I didn’t want to write.

2. When did you start writing?
I was making up stories long before I could write. I used to dictate to my mother or grandmother before I was capable of putting my ideas down on paper myself. Again, I can’t remember a time before that.

3. What does writing represent in your life?
I don’t like this question. My writing represents my imagination more than real life. It often echoes my experience of everyday things like school, family life etc., because that’s what I know, but I don’t feel that I write well if I take my inspiration directly from life.

4. Are you happy with your current style?
Yes, is the short answer. I’ve tried messing about with different styles, and may do so again, but the pieces I’m happiest with are always the ones I write in entirely my own way. That is not to say, of course, that my style cannot be improved.

5. Do you do editing?
How dare you? Of course I do editing!

6. Do you read about writing (creative writing books, grammar books...)?
Not really. I’ve dipped into one or two, but since I’ve been to creative writing classes it seems that books about writing tell me exactly what I learnt there, only in a much less engaging way. I do read books about getting published, though.

7. Favourite genre?
It wavers between 9-12 fiction and young adult, depending on what I’ve been reading and enjoying lately. It also wavers between total realism and realism with a touch of fantasy, again depending on what I’ve been reading. But anyway, kids’ books, basically.

8. Favourite author(s)?
Roald Dahl has to top my list, although I don’t like quite everything he did.
Melvin Burgess, when he’s on top form (he sometimes writes rubbish).
Hilary McKay is a consistently excellent children’s author, and lately I’ve rediscovered Betsy Byars – she is marvellous.
Louisa May Alcott, although I don’t think I’d like her books had I discovered them when I was much older than ten.
Louise Rennison, who writes the Georgia Nicolson diaries; the most bizarre and hilarious trashy teen chick lit.
I’m not embarrassed to admit that none of my all-time favourites write for adults. I like a fair few, but I don’t want to mention them here.

9. Favourite book?
Richard Adams didn’t make my favourite authors list, even though he wrote my favourite book of all time, Watership Down. Thing is, that’s about all he did that anyone remembers. And it’s brilliant.
I also love Junk and Sara’s Face by Melvin Burgess, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott and Marianne Dreams by Catherine Storr. And the Casson family stories by Hilary McKay – a series of five books – is brilliant. Oh, and Betsy Byars' The Pinballs is spectacularly well done and highly recommended.
But Watership Down is the answer. Ignore the rest.

10. What do you prefer to write?
Children’s stories and young adult novels. The content really varies, but I particularly like writing about strong, sassy kids.

11. Is there anything you can't write?
I mentioned writing from life. Also, straightforward sci-fi and fantasy. Oh, and detective stories. Not that I’ve tried, but I know I couldn’t.

12. What is the weirdest thing you have ever written?
I honestly can’t remember, and I promise you I’m thinking about it. I suppose the opening scene of a pantomime entitled Theseus and the Minotaur is fairly weird, but not in a bad way – I do like that one a lot. You can read it here on dA if you want to. Oh, and I also wrote something obscene about a vampire and a menstruating woman, and… yeah, I think that’s still around here somewhere too.

13. Choose a topic: love, death, friendship. Now write a couple of lines about it.
Inseparable, best friends, constantly together.
Then she got a boyfriend, enticed by fairer weather.

14. Do you think you have influences from any professional writer? If so, which ones?
I try not to emulate writers deliberately; I have discovered it never works. Any or all of the authors I mentioned in question eight may influence me on some level, but I can’t say for sure. I really just try to concentrate on my own game.

15. Worst book you have read so far?
If it has to be a book I finished, I guess that would be Huge by Sasha Paley. There have been a fair few books of which I couldn’t get past the first five chapters. Somewhere here I have a journal in which I rant about the appallingness of a young adult novel about a gay teenage boy, but of course I haven’t bothered to remember the title of the book or the name of the author, and I can’t seem to find the journal.

16. Why is it so bad, in your opinion?
The one I’ve largely forgotten was narrated by the most objectionable character ever; selfish, horrible to his parents and insistent on telling us in every chapter about going to his room to masturbate. And it’s supposed to be written like a teenager would speak. Mum was like, It’s time for dinner. And I was like, Fuck off, Mum. Awful. But the real answer is Huge by Sasha Paley, isn’t it? Well, the blurb was misleading. I was promised a story about accepting yourself no matter what your size, and yet the only moral is that it’s definitely best to be as thin as possible, and it isn’t even well written. The characters are so one-dimensional, they can hardly be called ‘characters’ at all.

17. Choose one of your characters and describe them in three words.
I have so many! But I think I’ll pick Jet, one of the kittens from my recent Halloween story (here on dA as well), as he’s so easy to describe in three words. Cute, clingy, cowardly.

18. Does your character feel ‘alive’?
I must admit, as he’s a kitten in a one-off short story, he doesn’t feel quite so alive as some characters I’ve put more into. But I like the story, and all the characters – human and feline – feel alive enough to me. So yes.

19. Could you kill this character?
No way! He's a kitten!

20. Do you hate any of your own characters?
This could be interpreted in two ways. If it’s asking whether I’ve created a character I want people to hate, and whom I hate myself… yes, I daresay I’ve created a fair few. I wrote a children’s novel about a girl called Serena a few years ago, and she has the most awful sister called Savannah – silly, superficial, whiney, that kind of thing. I can’t stand her. If it’s asking about characters that I hate because I feel they’ve failed… again, yes, I’ve written plenty of stuff I hate. But I can’t call any specific characters to mind.

21. Now, let's be honest. Every writer has their own favourite creation. What's your favourite story, out of everything you have written/planned to write? And character?
I recently wrote a novel, currently with the title of Flit, although I’ll change it if I ever think of anything better. I am immensely proud of it – I think it’s the best thing I’ve done so far. My favourite character is, in fact, Flit. I said I like writing about strong, sassy kids. Well, Flit is a strong, sassy young dryad. I love how he turned out – I never would have thought I could write so well about a tree.

22. Have you ever abandoned an idea for a story? Why?
Loads of times! I’ve started more novels than I’ve finished, simply because I didn’t feel like they were working out.

23. Have you ever deleted a whole piece of work? Why?
No. I don’t delete things. I just put them away in a folder on my computer somewhere and never look at them again.

24. And finally: make up a completely original character right now and describe them briefly. It doesn't even have to be human!
Posy is a flower fairy who is sick of the whole stereotypical cutesy fairy image. By the end of each day, she has torn her rose petal dress to shreds with her wild ways, but to her disgust she always has a pristine new dress when she wakes up in the morning. Her dream is to get her ear pierced, dye her hair and find a group of like-minded fairies so that together they can form the first fairy heavy metal band. They will be called Garden of Weeds.

The first thing to say is that I am pulling out of NaNoWriMo. I am extremely surprised at myself. I started out with every intention of winning. But by about day eight I realised that my novel was not working out the way I wanted, and then on Friday the thirteenth (oh! ) I missed a bit, thereby falling behind, and made the decision not to continue.

I am not exaggerating when I say that I agonised over the decision. I really did. I don't like losing! (I mean, I don't mind losing a friendly game of Scrabble or something, but I really hate losing NaNoWriMo.) I was excited about it before it started, but that was because I thought my novel was going to be really good. Then it started turning out all wrong. Now, I could have caught up over the weekend, carried on writing, maybe tried to salvage something from it and been able to boast winning NaNoWriMo. But it would have been a waste of my time. As I was writing, I was figuring out a way to do it much better, and there was no way I could have got there from what I had no matter how much editing I did later on. It's going to have to be a total re-write.

This happened with the last novel I wrote. I believe I got to about 40,000 words (as opposed to about 20,000, like this time) before I realised it wasn't working, and so I took the same idea and made it into a new novel that I ended up feeling very proud of. But it didn't happen during NaNoWriMo. I feel very, very disappointed with myself, but I guess it's just something that didn't work out and isn't really worth getting upset over.

A big reason for not carrying on with it is that I do actually have something else to do with my time now. I spent the last week working for no money in a school just up the road, in a little area called the Learning Support Centre. Kids go up there when they're struggling with their work, or when they've got some kind of emotional problem. I do a bit with them, and a lot of filing and photocopying and traipsing all over the school with messages. Obviously I wish I was getting paid, especially since I'm doing more hours than most of the people who do get paid, but I'm not complaining. I asked them to take me on, and said I didn't care about money, which I don't. Well, not much. Working for no money is better than doing nothing. It's keeping me more or less sane, it should do something to improve my job prospects and when I get to work with the kids, I do enjoy it.

I am so sick of looking for work. I'm going into rant mode now - do feel free to skip over it if you want to. Now then. There are only two things I feel I'm good enough at (is that grammar? ) to earn a living. I'm good with words, and I'm good with kids, and I am being denied chances to work with either. I don't like blaming other people for my problems, but in this instance, I am honestly doing everything that I can. I blame the recession. So that's Gordon Brown's fault, right? Anyway, I'm not getting interviews in the publishing/media industry. The other day I applied for a really boring junior position described as a 'foot in the door with publishing'. When I looked at the website yesterday, applications had climbed to a total of 139. And that was just yesterday - I daren't look again. I'm getting interviews in schools, and three hours later I'm getting phone calls saying I haven't got the job. I can't work in a support role because I'm over-qualified. I can't do anything more challenging - least of all actually teach - because they don't think I can control a class!

I might as well tell you - it particularly stings at the moment, because earlier this week I had to endure the worst rejection yet. They wanted four people, and of the eight that they interviewed, they decided that only one was good enough. This at least tells me that it wasn't my fault - they are just ridiculously picky. They said I got all the interview questions right (because there are right answers, you know ), but the one teacher observing the lesson I did thought that I didn't attempt to control the class. I could rant about that for hours - about how I had pretty much twenty-four hours notice to prepare a lesson for thirty-odd kids I had never met; how it is not at all true that I made 'no attempt' to control them; how it was supposed to be a fun lesson, and when I asked for quiet I got it...

Oh, look, I just did rant about all those things. Well, that's it. Rant over. For anyone who decided to skip the whingey bit, rant ends here.

So, to sum up, I am not feeling too brilliant at the moment. But I'm sure I'll move on from it soon, especially since I now have something to do with my time and am no longer the most useless human being on the planet. And I am sorry about all the personal pronouns in this journal. I am not in the habit of sitting and talking (or typing) about myself - or only about myself, anyway - but there it is, I am feeling rather sorry for myself at the moment. But anyway, how are you all getting on?

Ah, yes, now. Before I (finally) finish - would anyone be interested in a position at *simplyprose? I always seem to be looking for staff, and it is rather a source of stress for me, I'm afraid. In fact - I'll admit it - I am thinking of handing control over to somebody else. If somebody else would be willing to accept it (first refusal going to staff members, of course). But first of all, we need a new critique/commenter. Spread the word, and let me know if you'd be interested.