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Literature by Silverspark14

Writing by Nobody-said-so

Literature by Emiliers


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August 8, 2009
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A small, domestic bathroom.  TIM, a young and unimposing man, is unconscious on the floor, leaning against the bath, hands and wrists tied, a bloody wound on his forehead.  He starts to wake up, looks around, and then realises his predicament.

TIM
Hey!  (Pause.)  HEEEEEEEY!

The door opens.  KAREN, a young woman, enters.  She has a necklace in her hand, which she clutches throughout the scene.  She looks at TIM, aggressive and defiant.

KAREN
Yes?

TIM
You shouldn’t have done that.  It was really dangerous.

KAREN
I’ve called the police.

TIM
I thought you probably had.  I mean, you’ve got me now.  But I just wanted to say… next time, I wouldn’t tackle them like that.  You might not have been so lucky.

KAREN
Right, because you’re so tough.  Anyway, I wasn’t being rash.  I’ve been taking a class.

TIM
In what - knocking people out?

KAREN
No, self-defence.

TIM
That wasn’t self-defence.

KAREN
Yeah, but if you’d turned round and started attacking me, I’d have known what to do, wouldn’t I?

TIM
Not necessarily.  I might have been stronger than I looked.  (KAREN turns to go.)  I might have been army trained.  (He calls after her.)  You don’t know me!

KAREN
(Returning.)  Look, I’m not doing this, all right?  I know enough.  I know you were trying to climb out of my bathroom window with all my money and stuff.

TIM
Don’t you want to know why?

KAREN
Why!  I don’t care why!  Your problems are your problems.

TIM
Oh, that’s nice, isn’t it?  Y’know, that’s the problem with society these days.

KAREN
I’m the problem with society?

TIM
Not you.  That attitude.  If there was a bit more help available for people with my problems

KAREN
(Sighs.)  Come on then.  (She lowers the lid of the toilet seat and sits on it.)  Tell me.

TIM
You don’t care.

KAREN
I might.  You don’t know me either.

TIM
All right.  My name’s Tim, by the way.  (A pause while he waits for her to answer.)  Well, obviously I’m unemployed.  And I’m in a lot of debt.  And they’ve threatened to -

KAREN
How old are you?

TIM
What?

KAREN
How old are you?  You don’t look old enough to have got into a lot of debt.

TIM
It was my mother.  She got into financial trouble after my dad died.  She drank a lot, until eventually the drink killed her.  All I’ve got left is a dilapidated two-bed bungalow, and if I can’t get some money together I’m going to lose that too.

KAREN
Right, so you decide to rob me.  This crappy little place is where you think you can get enough money to start again.

TIM
It was an opportunity.  You left a window open.

KAREN
I bet there are windows open all over town.  You’d do better to go three miles up the road and look for an open window there.  Do you know what the rent for this place is?

TIM
No.

KAREN
You can’t break into my home and then claim the moral high ground because I’m judging you.  Shouldn’t it work both ways?  You don’t know who you’re robbing.  Do you ever think about that?  I can’t afford to be robbed!

TIM
You’ve got a lot more than I have.

KAREN
Oh, really?

TIM
You don’t believe me.

KAREN
You’re just trying to get me to untie you.

TIM
It’s all true.

KAREN
All right, if it’s really like that, they’ll be lenient with you.

TIM
You really think we live in that kind of a world, Karen?

KAREN
How do you know my name?

TIM
I went through some of your stuff.  I know it was yours.  You live alone, don’t you?

KAREN
(Stands up and goes to the window.)  Where the hell are they?

TIM
Did you tell them you had me tied up?

KAREN
Yeah.  Maybe I’ll call them back and tell them you’ve broken free.  I’m hiding in the wardrobe, and you’re stalking me with a machete as I speak.

TIM
Do you like those kinds of movies?

KAREN
My saying you didn’t know me wasn’t an invitation for you to get to know me.  (A long pause.  She starts to leave, then stops in the doorway.)  Ach!  Typical.

TIM
What?

KAREN
You have a thief tied up in your bathroom, and then you need to pee.

TIM
I won’t look.

KAREN
Why should I believe that?

TIM
Wow.  It’s worse than I thought.

KAREN
What?

TIM
Your trust issues.

KAREN
(Gapes.)  My trust…?  Well, yes, I do have a few trust issues with people I find robbing my home!

TIM
I think it’s more than that.  A trusting person would have believed my story.  And what about the self-defence classes?  You don’t trust the people who pass you on the street.

KAREN
I’m a young woman living on my own, and I don’t want to take a chance!  I’m not just assuming I’m going to get attacked.  Anyway, I did, didn’t I?

TIM
I wouldn’t have tried to hurt you.  That isn’t me.

KAREN
No, of course not.  You obviously have a very clear moral code, Robin Hood.

TIM
Karen, come on.  I’m really not a bad guy.  And you were right - I didn’t think about the person I was robbing.  (Pause.)  What about that necklace?

KAREN
What necklace?

TIM
The one in your hand.  It obviously means something to you.

KAREN
That’s none of your business.  (Pause.)  All right.  Yes, it’s important to me.  My grandmother gave it to me on my eighteenth birthday.

TIM
She’s dead, then?

KAREN
Why assume that?  You’re not very good at this, are you?  Even if she’s not dead, I still love her.  And she will be dead one day, won’t she?  And when that happens, I’d wish I had the necklace then, wouldn’t I, if you’d stolen it?  (Pause.)  If she’s not dead already.

TIM
It should have occurred to me that your jewellery might have sentimental value.  I’m sorry I tried to steal it.

KAREN
(Holding up the necklace.)  Just this?  Aren’t you sorry you tried to rob me in the first place?  Or do you still think I should pay for society’s shortcomings?

TIM
You do believe me, then?

KAREN
It doesn’t matter whether you’re telling the truth or not.  You still tried to rob me, and I’m still going to hand you over to the police.

TIM
So that’s it - you don’t care at all?  You get by on a badly paid job and a place with cheap rent, and that’s all that matters to you.  To hell with everybody else, right?

KAREN
You were robbing me!

TIM
If you’d heard my story from someone else - on the news, say - and I hadn’t tried to rob you… would you care then?

KAREN
Shut up!  You don’t know me!  You don’t know anything about me!

TIM
I know you loved your grandmother.  That’s all you’ll tell me.

KAREN
Why would I tell a stranger anything?

TIM
See what I mean?  Trust issues.

A long pause, broken by the sound of sirens.  KAREN looks at the window, then turns and heads for the door.

TIM
Karen, wait!  (Pause.  She waits expectantly.)  Are you really going to let them have me?  After everything I’ve said?

KAREN
I knew you were lying.

She leaves the room, slamming the door behind her.
My entry for the very exciting 'From Scripts to Flicks' contest: [link]

This probably isn't interesting to you, but I'll say it anyway. My starting point for this was thinking about a movie called Honest. It isn't the best film ever if you want to judge it on things like writing, acting and directing, but I enjoyed it anyway. This piece isn't a rip-off of any part of that movie, though - there are very few similarities.

Then I thought if I did place in the contest, it had better not be too difficult at all for the film guys to adapt it. Well, I think anyone who wants to make a film will be able to find two actors and a bathroom, no? Also, I've kept stage directions to a minimum. There are a couple of things presentation-wise that really matter to me - like Karen's attitude when she first enters - but mostly I'm leaving plenty of room for artistic interpretation.

I'll take any suggestions for improvement. Screen writing is not my forte, so please, critique away (just please don't make suggestions that would involve making the piece longer).
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Daily Deviation

Given 2010-01-17
The tables have turned on Tim the thief in Breaking In, a screenplay by *ThornyEnglishRose. ( Featured by fllnthblnk )
:iconsoyaku:
While it might not be a seasoned veteran screen writer's efforts at stardom, ThornyEnglishRose's Breaking In certainly makes for a good read. At first, I was asking questions about just who Tim and Karen were, but the author certainly answered them in a wonderfully, natural way. Within a few lines, I felt as if I, the reader from afar, could envision this scene and feel Tim and Karen's emotions whipping winds around me.

While the minimal use of stage directions may be an issue, film makers should have a splendid time taking this masterpiece through the process of creative freedom. The lines, in my opinion, were created with the utmost skill and careful planning. If they weren't, however, I can tell this writer has serious skill and talent.

Personally, I felt a new light dawn on me as I completed this short tale, and I hope the rest her readers feel the same as I have.

Best regards, Soyaku Jinjashi
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
40 out of 43 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconjuunanaflavoredfoods:
Wow. I really, really liked that. There isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said, but, geez, that's awesome.

Congratulations on the DD and good luck with the contest! : D

~juu

ps: no need to reply, you seem to be swamped with comments. Just know I enjoyed your writing very much. :heart:
Reply
:iconthornyenglishrose:
ThornyEnglishRose Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked it. :)
Reply
:icondancingonangels:
DancingOnAngels Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2010
this really is lovely,

I would really love to be able to make a film from this kind of thing.
Reply
:iconthornyenglishrose:
ThornyEnglishRose Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Well, if you ever get around to making that film, I'd love to see it. :P Thanks for your kind comments. :)
Reply
:icondancingonangels:
DancingOnAngels Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2010
i'll put it in my future book, :P

so much i would like to do,
film industry is hard.
Reply
:icondecopinkdingo:
DecoPinkDingo Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2010
that was so entertaining
"All I’ve got left is a dilapidated two-bed bungalow, and if I can’t get some money together I’m going to lose that too."
i adore that line! reads so well
very deserving of a DD
i think with an extended dialog it would make a good short film
Reply
:iconthornyenglishrose:
ThornyEnglishRose Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. :)
Reply
:icondecopinkdingo:
DecoPinkDingo Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2010
you're very welcome<3
Reply
:iconmaffy-pop:
maffy-pop Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2010  Student General Artist
first off: defense is spelled with an s.

secondly: I don't understand why or how she knows he's lying at the end. whut.
@_@

it was interesting, the battle of morals through this script though... really well written.
Reply
:iconthornyenglishrose:
ThornyEnglishRose Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.

Defence is in fact spelt with a C in the UK, so you can let me off that one. And as for knowing that he's lying at the end, that's what she says, and it isn't out of character.
Reply
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